An Untimely Visitor- I N S P I R A T I O N

Why? Why must inspiration come to me at such an inconvenient time?

I can't write right now. I'm busy. This is neither the time nor the place for you to visit. Inspiration, can't you see I'm in the middle of doing something else? Moreover, I've no pen! No paper! No laptop, no desktop is within my reach now. Go away and come back later. I won't speak to you now.

"Think Big Thoughts But Relish Small Pleasures"

Seriously, why couldn't you come to me on Saturday after-nights or may be Sunday afternoons. That would have been the perfect time. I was all set to write- besides nobody was at home. Pure silence, full concentration, the focus was there too. You liked him. No? I know. Or Are you both meeting at some other place and not mine?  This focus always keep silent when you're not with us. I was ready for you, then. I had everything prepared. I really wanted you to come. But I just waited....

But nooo, you had better things to do. No? Did you have fun?. Oh, don't you even try lying to me. I know you were with Chetan Bhagat. Do you think I'm blind. I saw what he posted on twitter that day. He just completed his fifth novel and is releasing in October named 'Revolution 2020'. Novel? And I ask for short stories. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

"You Can't Please Everybody. Don't Let Criticism Worry You"

Now, go away. I don't have the time or desire at the moment. See, this is me, ignoring you! Leave. Now!

********

Well....on second thought, wait! I want you to stay. Yes, stay! You owe me, miss. Stay right here until I'm done with my work. I don't care if you never come on time.You stood me up before, and you're gonna do the same thing now. Stay! I'll be back.

"The Person Who Really Wants To Do Something Finds A Way. Others Find Excuses" 

******

Alright, Inspiration. Now I can pay attention to you. So, what have you got for me? Inspiration? Are you there? Inspiration? Where did you go? Oh hell, come back. I didn't mean it. I wasn't actually mad at you, I promise. Inspiration, please....you can have all of my love and attention from now on. My love is better than Chetan Bhagat's, I promise! Inspiration? Inspiration.........

Do you even Remember me?

Remember the time we first met? I do. It was 15th of August.

Remember how afraid I was to talk to you that I kept my eyes on the ground counting my steps while you ran around with our friends and smiled all the way. That smile you wear try to keep all that sadness away.

Remember when you came up to me and asked me what I thought about you?

Remember how my mouth dropped open and no words came out? I do.

Irony, isn't it? We met on Independence day and ever since then I've been dependent on you.

Remember the next time we saw each other? The time at his house where you were standing on the couch and as I walked by, you hopped on my back and.....we fell!

Do you know I tried my best to put a smile while in pain. Just to see you smile back.

Remember when you first told me how you felt like you could tell me anything?

That's one thing I won't forget.

Remember the first time we held hands?

Do you know I was ready to burst? Do you know that I still think about that everyday?




Remember the time you forgot about me?

Do you remember the time I spilled my heart out to you?

Do you remember the time I saw you holding his hand?

Well, that's another thing I won't be able to forget.

Room number- 143

I've changed the television channel innumerable times for the past one hour. The desires were pushing me from inside. The desire to see her. I tried again by switching off the television and closing my eyes but all in vain. It has just been five hours when I last met her. Why would I be disturbing her again, I thought. But the urge of looking at her, seeing her laugh and caressing her killed my thought. I stood up, took the keys, locked my door and left.

The symbols on the wooden door had become familiar to my eyes. It is quite understandable as I was entering this room more than my room for the past one year. As I hold the cold door-knob through my right hand, turned it to the right, smiled as I pulled the door, carrying the dark chocolates in other hand.

The smell hit me as soon as I entered the room. Not a bad smell but the smell of flowers consisted of roses & white drapes which I bought earlier. They were put on a table near the window which was closed. I loved looking out of that window. The large trees right outside would sway like alive and happy.

I looked at the bed. Clean white sheets with red blanket over the top. Her favorite color.

She was asleep. Her frail body was rolled up with red blanket neatly to keep warm. I quickly came at the side of the bed and put the chocolates carefully at a place where it can be seen if she awoke. I smiled as I thought of her looking to those chocolates first when she opens up her eyes. It'll be a surprise which will make her happy. I just knew it.

My girl, Aaliya. How beautiful she is, I thought staring at her thin lips. I then thought of better days. Days before the test. Pressing those lips against mine, cutting off her complaints and arguments. Her eyes were brown, dark brown, shining away from those thick lashes. She was skinny before too. People would say she was too skinny. I say she was perfect. I wrap her around my arms as I gently kiss her, feeling a possibility of breaking her. A smile from her and  I could see white pearls flashing from behind those lips.

Her voice broke into my thoughts.

"Oh honey, you bought me my favorites", she said as she looked at those chocolates for a long. I quickly stood up, unwrapped the chocolate & bought couple of pieces in front of her. She ate it, closing her thin eyelids and smiling.

"Thank you so much", she said as I smiled and leaned over, kissed her forehead and inhaled that specific smell of her which I loved the most. She smiled again and put both her hands on my cheeks.

"when was the last time you- she paused for a moment to cough- shaved?" Now smiling but waiting for my reply as I mostly ignore this question for hers.
"I'm not sure", leaning down to rub my cheeks against her. She laughed once again as I told her that this laugh is one of the many reasons I'm here. Never ever stop laughing.

Just then the nurse erupt, throwing me a stern look, checked Aaliya's body temperature, gave her some medicine. She then put her hands on Aaliya's bald head and smiled to her.

"You're doing better lady. But you have to tell this young man that he can't come running here at three in the morning just to see you. This is way past visiting hours and way much frequently", she said giving me a curious look this time.

"Exceptions are always there. Can you please make an exception, just this time", I said, tried to look for the excuses I haven't made before.
"How many of those I've to make. I'm not paid enough for these social causes", she added.
"Just this time", I lied, adding a quick smile.
"This is the last I tell you", she said in a motherly tone, closed the door gently and left.

Aaliya giggled as she coughed again into her hands. I came close to her, laid down across the side of her bed as she find the place to put her side-face over my chest. Sometimes she help me with the excuses I've to give to that motherly-natured nurse. It was fun.

One year ago she had been diagnosed with leukemia. May 22, 2010. A day before her 23rd birthday. I still remember that day when I told her numerous time that everything will be okay just to realize now that everything will get worse as the cancer spread. I considered that day the worst of my life.

Those sharp, beautiful eyes looked as they were never got developed. They looked tired. The body became ice cold. Cheeks showing the bone more than the skin on it. The thin lips got thinner. Wrinkles all over the face of a 23 years old.

But she was still Aaliya. My Aaliya.

"You know what Aaliya, you look like a rockstar with that bald looks for yours. So Hawt! These days they all are going bald", I said smilingly and rubbing her cheek gently. She laughed again, choking and telling me to shut up. I pulled her as close as I could without damaging any equipment and kissed her forehead once more, she calmed down, her breathing and heart rate slowed. As she was asleep, clutching my t-shirt as she always does.

Young man? Wake up.

I opened my eyes, rubbed it and stood up quickly. I checked the clock and then, Aaliya to make sure she was breathing, which she was. It was quite strange that we slept for more than five hours. It never happened here before. I was more than happy to realize that she slept peacefully in my arms for five hours. That was a perfect slumber I've ever had and immediately I wished for more like these for me and Aaliya, together. I smiled a sigh of relief & looked at the nurse who woke me up.

"What's the matter?", I asked.
"The doctor is asking for you, he needs to have few words with you regarding Aaliya", she said as her voice was not motherly anymore but sympathetically low..

I quickly went to the room I've been told.

"Yes, doctor, I hope everything is Okay", I said
"I'm going to tell you this but you're not allowed to tell the lady. She might look strong but inside she ain't that strong. She is too weak. What I want you to do is to spend as much time as you can, with her. I'm really sorry, it spread too fast", said the doctor by wishing luck and left.

I see that nurse is looking and listening to this the whole while from the half open door. She was crying.

"No",  I said. "She is going to make it. I know that. She can't go", with that tears started flowing which I've no control upon. It shook my body.

"Stay strong young man, she is waking up, she needs you. You've to save the hope. Save some hope young man", she said as she tried to bring me back to my senses.

I went back to her. She was awoke as I sit near to her. I put my hands inside my pocket and took the small box near her.

"What's this", she asked curiously.

"Aaliya, Will you marry me".

I could see tears starting to show in her eyes as she looked at me.

"No", she said crying. "No, no, no, no, no, no.......crying all the way as she took the ring from my hand and put it at one corner of the table placed nearby.

"No, you deserve a wife that can have kids, who is healthy and strong, and can love you forever. I'm not strong enough. I'll die soon and if i don't, i know i won't last forever and longer".

"There is no one better for me than you", as I cut her words in between. I don't care if you're sick now, if you'll be sick forever, if you'd die now, I want you as my wife, now and forever and for the rest of my whole life. I don't and will not see anyone other than you as my wife. You are my life. you are my sweet Aaliya and you are all i'll ever want. And I want you to be mine forever. No matter if you're here or not. I can't even think of a moment without you", as I said with sobs and tears.

Minutes passed by as I wiped her tears and press down my face into bed sheet and wept. Few minutes later I regain my strength and looked at Aaliya. A smile came to my face when I saw that shinning ring looking beautiful on her ring finger. She wore it. Her hand was placed over her heart, but that heart was no longer beating.

In a Better World....

I’m a crybaby. I cry over everything & anything. My classmates tease me, slap me with no reasons. I couldn’t fight back. All I do is cry. I’m a little kid with big heart & sad eyes. I bite myself sometimes. I give myself pain to lessen the pain. Oh ! I’m a crybaby.

My family consisted of  Sana, my sister, little angel she is. I love her. My mother, who says we are her bastard Childs. We are useless & she doesn’t care. Most of the times I came home from school, coated in bruises. She doesn’t see me. She is busy in her prescription medication which loosely translates to as Drugs. A Father who long ago left us & preferred a life of Sex & drugs, to us. He left us for some chick named Lily. I hate the name Lily. He couldn’t even leave us for someone with a half decent name. I simply sat by & let him leave.

I screamed silently for the first time!

I could hear Sana most of the times, calling out my name loudly, when I get home. She’s a little angel. She’s not a cry kid. She didn’t care that her mother thought of her as bastard child. Our mother didn’t seem to accept the fact that we were her bastard child. She just looked upon us like we were some orphans, wanderers off the street. It didn’t matter to her that we had her blue eyes & brown hairs. We were nothing but ghosts.

I was lying on the bed at my home. It was a motel room which we called our home. A single bed where we three sleep, just once I guess, when my mother was unconscious, else Sana & I lay on the floor itself. Stained floor, dust lingered at every corner of the house. Insects, flies scuttled over half eaten food.

“Hey, little sissy! How was the day at school”? I asked.

“What is this”, touching a bluish flesh on my face, which was a bruise I got recently. Thanks to my classmates who continued hitting me at one place.

“Ahh..nothing. I fell at school. I’m fine”

The same old lies. I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell her that her brother has been kicked, slapped & punched various times. I couldn’t tell that his head had been hit many times, face smashed at lockers. Had his nails set on fire & books been flushed away. I couldn’t tell her. And worst of all, I couldn’t tell her that I hadn’t fought back. I hadn’t said a single fucking thing.

I screamed silently!

“Be careful sweetheart. I don’t want you to get hurt”, said Sana. I smiled & wrapped my arms around her as she showed me the paintings she made at school. She loved painting. I cheered, applauded & praised her. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to be smiling always. I had nothing to live for if she wasn’t happy.

But she was taken away from me so soon by some psycho, sick pervert. That fucking guy greeded her with dark chocolate. She loved dark chocolates. My mother left her alone in the park & went to fill her ‘prescription’. Hell she didn’t care.

Her body found lying behind trees.

Rope around her neck.

A moment of silence in my already quiet life. A bright light in my dark life had been taken away. Where was I? Probably sitting somewhere & grieving, for some time, than back to normal. Because I’m too weak to do anything.

Mother didn’t even cry. I’m sure she didn’t even know. For her, its one less ghost, a less stranger, a less bastard child.

First they thought they’d blame me for everything. He raped & killed his sister. He loved her. Show him the pictures. Show him the blood in her hairs, tightly closed fist & show him those helpless eyes. Bloody killer. Screw up the kid. Nothing he’s going to do about it. There is nothing a little cry kid could do but just sit & grieve.

I screamed silently.

I was broken. Thou the beatings stopped for a while but now it doesn’t matter. I was all alone, in my own world, where Sana still existed. But they came again, harder than ever. They saw pills in my hand, red lines around my wrists. They know I’m broken now they want me to be shattered. ‘Killer’, they shouted. “Faggot, imbecile bloody rapist, Die! You should Die!. I wanted to. I really wanted to. But I didn’t want to go alone. I’ve already spent most of my life alone. By then I made a decision. A Final decision.

School gates opened like gate to hell. I didn’t bother. No more weakness. Weakness it is which led my father left us. Weakness led my mother fell prey to pills. Weakness took Sana away. But no weakness anymore.

BANG goes the first one to hell. I didn’t know who it is.

BANG goes the second one. Screaming started all over.

BANG the third one. Red water dripping from the cold iron I held.

One more left. I screamed the loudest in my life.

BANG the fourth. One for every year Sana lived.

For every month I suffered without her. I've shown weakness that i'm not weak anymore. I would find her somewhere & would tell her that finally I've found myself....in a better world!

55 Fiction :: Insult

Insult


There are two ways to insult a person. One is to sandwich an insult with two slices of praises. The other is to insult yourself first & then insult whoever you want. The idea is to make the insulted person feel a little better. But, if i've ever insulted you minus above two reasons, it means You Deserve It, said the trainer.

55 Fiction :: LUST

LUST


He hold her thighs & started kissing her belly button. Came close to her face, licked the neck, to the ears, & to the lips. He always thought her lips were the most juiciest thing on earth. Sudden knock on the door, two men entered with guns......................They were still kissing.

55 Fiction :: Black Day

Black Day


I always wanted to see Kashmir, Heaven on Earth....Standing at a dal lake-side & seeing this piece of cake made by God. What a Beauty ! Serene. Cold breezes kiss-passing. A sudden sharp sound blocking the ears, hot sensation all over the body....boom!

Heaven on Earth turned Crematory ground once again !