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Sunday, March 24, 2013

55 Fiction: The Love That Was....

Cutting my wedding cake, smiles all around, clapping started and there she was, standing with her better half, smiling as tears leaving her eyes. I took the first piece, ate the half, selfish I am. Offered the remaining to her……..& tears found other eyes!

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Happiness is a Choice!

The stall is 2 km away from my house. Some adrenaline rushes into my body when I merely think about having a cup of tea there. Still remember the first day, the first cup, the first change!

The air was cool. Fan was at it's highest speed. Sun shining at peak outside. First sip was cool, of-course it’s hot but in a way it was cool. Then the second, the third, the fourth. Now the poison started to show it's intensity. Eyes went blur. Couple of guys sitting besides. I could see them but couldn’t hear. I could hear the traffic outside but couldn’t see it. I could hear the different kind of horns, and associate them with people. They all were running. Running for their destination, some running home, some running to their office or somewhere else. Everyone  was running. In a hurry, losing time but the speed of time is same for everyone. But I realized that this noise of traffic don’t bother me anymore. Someone must be crying somewhere, some is laughing their heart out at the same time, life goes on! The aura was suddenly getting diminished. I quickly took another couple of sips. And again I was not alone anymore.

The clear blue sky with little white clouds, chirping of birds rushing for their food, swaying of trees, all were under my sight.  I felt so close to nature while sitting inside that tea stall. It was just beautiful. I don’t want to go back to my world. The world where lies are told as a universal truth, where running away from your responsibilities is dominated by some amusing excuses, where money is considered everything for majority of the people. The list is too long.

Suddenly the retina of my eyes went crystal clear. Now I could listen to what people on the table besides me, talking. I could see a big traffic jam outside. And it was then I knew I needed another couple of sips. 

Such an amazing feeling one could only dream of. I considered myself lucky to have experienced it. Avalanche  of thoughts running into my mind have generated a smile while I was looking outside. A smile of assurance that I’ve found a place where you come and go straight to heaven for a while or may be much more than that. Where only love resides, smile besides and  you get happiness of every size. I realized the intensity of the poison got doubled as the tea is about to end. 

Finally took the last sip. It was a little warm as compared to hot sips before. But the taste was same. Simply perfect! I stood up with a little smile. Really wanted to see the man who’ve made all this possible, who’ve made this change in me today. He looked fat. 50-55 yrs of age. Watching television which he has fixed in a small box fixed to the wall in front of him. Some daily soap may be. While smiling he looked at me. I didn’t ask the cost of that tea which I drank, for much obvious reason, but he demanded. While giving the said amount I looked up for a shop name or something but there were only two rates mentioned. And then I realized that it was not just another cup of tea but they call it as a ‘Special Ghota’. Indeed, it was special! He smiled. I reverted. As if we both knew that i was leaving with such a peace in me but it'll not last. The happiness will not last, sorrow never did. But we know that a life has been lived in that moment of happiness. And I turned back with a promise that I’ll come back here again & went away. Now I’m a part of that traffic, but with a change!

Happiness do comes in small packages. Enjoy the moment which deserves to be enjoyed!

P.S. The tea stall is located at New colony, Gurgaon, Haryana, India. :)

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Part I

Part II

"Can I have a drag or may be an extra cigarette you got", I asked.
"Sure", she said with the live cigarette clutched under the lips as her hands went searching for the packet of death rolls in the bag she was holding.
"Here you go", she said while putting the lit on as I sucked the first puff of a new roll.
Though I too saw the visual of tar clinging on my lungs but as I took the first drag the visuals slowly vanished in my mind like smoke in the air.
I quickly took another drag and realised that whatever I was thinking few minutes back was nothing more than bull shit and here lies the life full of pleasures, between my fingers.
"Want a joint?"
Her voice broke my euphoria.
"Sure as hell", I said.
"We can't prepare here"
"Let's get off the next stop"
A Little smile came to our face when we looked at the bus conductor's expression after getting off the bus three stops before the actual stop we paid for. Our eyes went searching for a nice, silent and lone place to actually prepare an illegal stuff we were holding.
"You keep looking around while I prepare", she said. I nodded. But soon realized I couldn't let my eyes of her. She neatly tore apart two cigarettes and pull all the tobacco in my palm. Then she took two match stick with a small clayish ball held to the flamesh part of the stick. She took out the lighter and burn the ball for few seconds and then crushed the ball into small pieces over tobacco. She looked experienced. The mixture is taken from me soon. Few of the particles get stucked into the hands as if they were saying not to smoke us. I tried to rub my palms to get the remains of tobacco and put it on the bundle which was now in her hand. She neatly took out a rizla paper, a filter was set at the bottom of the paper as she started pouring the mixture in it. Finally we had a joint prepared. Just a three inches tall, had such powers inside it, can't just imagine.
"Initiate", she said to me.
Without wasting any more time I took the joint, put into my mouth. She lit with her lighter and smiled.
The first drag was cool. It gave the hint of herbs inside my mouth. It felt as if I'm doing a bonefire in the middle of jungles and that scent of trees with wet soil you get. I took another drag before passing the joint to her. She was still smiling. Her smile soon faded away with a look of desperation as she took a deep puff inside her.
We didn't talk for next fifteen minutes. And the joint finally started talking.
"Goooood stuff", I said.
"Yea, can imagine from your eyes", she witted.
I put on her black aviator which was resting by my side. She laughed which ended in a cough.
"Famished as hell. You wanna eat something", I asked.
She started laughing aloud and coughing hard. I put off the aviator in a hope that she would stop laughing. My naked yet influenced eyes saw a rainbow on the road.
"What is this rainbow doing on the road? Who threw it down", I asked while scratching my head.
She was still laughing. The trees nearby started laughing too but they were not coughing like her. The flashy green leaves seemed as if someone just washed them. The nature around us seemed so sparkling as if I was watching a lucid dream. I wanted to ask her if this seemed only to me. I looked around but she was no there. I was still hearing her laughs but she was out of my sight. The rainbow had gone too. Instead there was this lizard. A big lizard on the road. The big lizard was crossing the road slowly. I looked around if some heavy vehicle is coming. That could be dangerous to lizard. I was worried untill I heard her voice.
"Come here you"
"Well, O.K but ....where the hell are you!", I inquired
The laughing started again. This time the bench was laughing too, with the trees. I looked around and finally I could see her waving hands to me. I signaled her that I'm coming. She was still waving.
"You disappeared! How have you been?", I asked.
"I just met that bus conductor, he came to refund our money", she said. Her voice blur.
"You are high", I said as I laughed,"And I'm hungry"
"I just saw subway across the road. Hey, see, see its moving. Let's go", she said excitingly and started running  . I grabbed her arm.
"Wait....wait....Its written on the bus and the bus is moving", I clarified. "But I think a market is back there. Let's go"
Some kind of waves were floating all over my face and going into the head and coming back to the face and settling at somewhere in the back of my eyes. Eyes felt heavy. I knew we both were high. But hungry too.
"Hold my hand and be careful while crossing the road. Lizards are out there", I warned. She laughed.
We crossed the road.
"Look, there is the place", I said signalling forward and a little above our heights.
"Nahhhhh, they are giving joints, we already had one", she replied with her eyes closed and face tired.
"Its a Food Joint", I said ....'Food' in a high tone.
She didn't bother. I went to the food joint and ordered couple of burgers and a large coke. Why is it when you don't have any change in your pocket and the bill comes in an un-round off value. As I was high so I didn't bother. Though it felt like giving tip while on a self-service. As I took the plate and turn around, i saw a huge crowd close to the road. As I was high so i didn't bother. I feel like the best part of being high is that you just don't bother. I look around for my accompanier, that girl for whom I wasted my bus ticket, moreover my time, my money, my body and my lungs. But most importantly i was feeling like heaven. She was out of my sight, again. I again forgot to ask her name. I looked around but she was not there. After few minutes of intoxicated-eye searching, i heard a voice from the crowd.
"Is she drunk"
"This seemed to be a suicide"
"There is no note"

A ran into the crowd and saw a body lying on the road. The body was upside down. That black jean and that blue top were the same color combinations she was wearing. I was in doubt. I wanted to see the face. I looked into the crowd. After couple of minutes I saw her standing right in front of me as a part of the crowd. I felt a sigh of relief. I closed my eyes and thanked to god. She was smiling while looking at me. Then I realized that i'm seeing her face in everybody's face. I turn around and she was everywhere, smiling like she ate both burgers and i'll die famished. Then I heard someone saying that the vehicle which hit her just ran away.
The traffic police approached few minutes later following an ambulance. They declared her dead. I had her burger in my hand. And a half coke. As they turn around the body I saw her vanished into the crowd and rather laid over the dead body. The face was as fresh as hour ago when she was preparing the joint for us.

The police were trying to get in touch of someone who knew her. They opened her purse with a motive to search some clues about her. A packet with black clay came out as if it wanted to fly away to someone else. I suddenly forgot about the demise and wanted to get hold of that clay. Though i realized that this is thing which made me holding those burgers while she died. This was the power of herbs.

I curse myself of stepping back from the crowd that day. I ate the burgers alone with teary eyes. I threw away the coke though. And went back to my house and pretend nothing happened. I never knew this thing would change my entire life.

To be continued.........

Friday, November 11, 2011

A Roll of Death

A Roll of Death-

(Part I)

Odd things come handy to eyes. An uncomfortable scene or a different picture grabs your eyes and attention. Something similar happened few minutes ago. She had one clutched in her palms. Pinkishness of her lips were holding a roll of paper which can turn them black, she never knew. She watched a small, yellow flame settled, and when the end of her cigarette glows she puts the lighter into her bag. Sucking all of it in and her cheeks pull it in so tightly, her bones looked like a scrawny chicken wings. Her eyes went closed and so deeply sunken into her forehead you can barely see them. And when she breathed out, her whole body shivered and I wondered Why? Pleasure? What kind of pleasure? It's hard to tell. Even though the live cigarette was beneath her lips, she was smiling. It was like she was getting a sweet taste of hard grey smoke. The dimples at the corner of her mouth were visible. The smoke-machine was placed in between her middle and index finger as she blows out a small cloud of grey smoke. She coughs!

One, twice....thrice!!

It became intense as she clutched her stomach and coughed. I thought she might get sick.


Finally it stopped, the coughing. And she was sucking on her cigarette again. Pleasure floating all over her face and settling somewhere in back of her eyes. But her eyes are closed. I closed mine, too. I was visualizing how the tar clinging to her lungs and slowly luring her to death. I see the smoke suppressing her heart, making the face look grayish black and enveloping it in grey dust. How something so small can do this much to you, I wondered. Its just two or may be three inches long. But actually its not the length but the matter inside it what matters, when burnt, can lessen the organs inside the body. Its practically Death In A Paper Roll. A Death, in a roll!

I opened my eyes and found her eyes were open too., and she was watching me. Our eyes locked as she was gazing me, took a slow drag and puffs out the smoke as if to my face. She was disgusted by me, and I by her. But that was how it should be. She quickly took another drag and threw the bud before puffing out the smoke inside her mouth. Throwing the cigarette bud looked to me as if her body was throwing her lungs out.

Suddenly she reached inside her bag and before I could turn my back on, a cigarette was in her hands again, a lighter was in the other. I closed my eyes after seeing the contents on her hands and started walking towards her as if my body got reflexed. Now faster, more faster untill I was there. Right beside her, so close that I can see stubble underneath her eyebrows where she was in need of another wax. She grinned, smirked.


Friday, September 9, 2011

An Untimely Visitor- I N S P I R A T I O N

Why? Why must inspiration come to me at such an inconvenient time?

I can't write right now. I'm busy. This is neither the time nor the place for you to visit. Inspiration, can't you see I'm in the middle of doing something else? Moreover, I've no pen! No paper! No laptop, no desktop is within my reach now. Go away and come back later. I won't speak to you now.
"Think Big Thoughts But Relish Small Pleasures"
Seriously, why couldn't you come to me on Saturday after-nights or may be Sunday afternoons. That would have been the perfect time. I was all set to write- besides nobody was at home. Pure silence, full concentration, the focus was there too. You liked him. No? I know. Or Are you both meeting at some other place and not mine?  This focus always keep silent when you're not with us. I was ready for you, then. I had everything prepared. I really wanted you to come. But I just waited....

But nooo, you had better things to do. No? Did you have fun?. Oh, don't you even try lying to me. I know you were with Chetan Bhagat. Do you think I'm blind. I saw what he posted on twitter that day. He just completed his fifth novel and is releasing in October named 'Revolution 2020'. Novel? And I ask for short stories. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
"You Can't Please Everybody. Don't Let Criticism Worry You"
Now, go away. I don't have the time or desire at the moment. See, this is me, ignoring you! Leave. Now!


Well....on second thought, wait! I want you to stay. Yes, stay! You owe me, miss. Stay right here until I'm done with my work. I don't care if you never come on time.You stood me up before, and you're gonna do the same thing now. Stay! I'll be back.
"The Person Who Really Wants To Do Something Finds A Way. Others Find Excuses" 

Alright, Inspiration. Now I can pay attention to you. So, what have you got for me? Inspiration? Are you there? Inspiration? Where did you go? Oh hell, come back. I didn't mean it. I wasn't actually mad at you, I promise. Inspiration, can have all of my love and attention from now on. My love is better than Chetan Bhagat's, I promise! Inspiration? Inspiration.........

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Do you even Remember me?

Remember the time we first met? I do. It was 15th of August.

Remember how afraid I was to talk to you that I kept my eyes on the ground counting my steps while you ran around with our friends and smiled all the way. That smile you wear try to keep all that sadness away.

Remember when you came up to me and asked me what I thought about you?

Remember how my mouth dropped open and no words came out? I do.

Irony, isn't it? We met on Independence day and ever since then I've been dependent on you.

Remember the next time we saw each other? The time at his house where you were standing on the couch and as I walked by, you hopped on my back and.....we fell!

Do you know I tried my best to put a smile while in pain. Just to see you smile back.

Remember when you first told me how you felt like you could tell me anything?

That's one thing I won't forget.

Remember the first time we held hands?

Do you know I was ready to burst? Do you know that I still think about that everyday?

Remember the time you forgot about me?

Do you remember the time I spilled my heart out to you?

Do you remember the time I saw you holding his hand?

Well, that's another thing I won't be able to forget.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Room number- 143

I've changed the television channel innumerable times for the past one hour. The desires were pushing me from inside. The desire to see her. I tried again by switching off the television and closing my eyes but all in vain. It has just been five hours when I last met her. Why would I be disturbing her again, I thought. But the urge of looking at her, seeing her laugh and caressing her killed my thought. I stood up, took the keys, locked my door and left.

The symbols on the wooden door had become familiar to my eyes. It is quite understandable as I was entering this room more than my room for the past one year. As I hold the cold door-knob through my right hand, turned it to the right, smiled as I pulled the door, carrying the dark chocolates in other hand.

The smell hit me as soon as I entered the room. Not a bad smell but the smell of flowers consisted of roses & white drapes which I bought earlier. They were put on a table near the window which was closed. I loved looking out of that window. The large trees right outside would sway like alive and happy.

I looked at the bed. Clean white sheets with red blanket over the top. Her favorite color.

She was asleep. Her frail body was rolled up with red blanket neatly to keep warm. I quickly came at the side of the bed and put the chocolates carefully at a place where it can be seen if she awoke. I smiled as I thought of her looking to those chocolates first when she opens up her eyes. It'll be a surprise which will make her happy. I just knew it.

My girl, Aaliya. How beautiful she is, I thought staring at her thin lips. I then thought of better days. Days before the test. Pressing those lips against mine, cutting off her complaints and arguments. Her eyes were brown, dark brown, shining away from those thick lashes. She was skinny before too. People would say she was too skinny. I say she was perfect. I wrap her around my arms as I gently kiss her, feeling a possibility of breaking her. A smile from her and  I could see white pearls flashing from behind those lips.

Her voice broke into my thoughts.

"Oh honey, you bought me my favorites", she said as she looked at those chocolates for a long. I quickly stood up, unwrapped the chocolate & bought couple of pieces in front of her. She ate it, closing her thin eyelids and smiling.

"Thank you so much", she said as I smiled and leaned over, kissed her forehead and inhaled that specific smell of her which I loved the most. She smiled again and put both her hands on my cheeks.

"when was the last time you- she paused for a moment to cough- shaved?" Now smiling but waiting for my reply as I mostly ignore this question for hers.
"I'm not sure", leaning down to rub my cheeks against her. She laughed once again as I told her that this laugh is one of the many reasons I'm here. Never ever stop laughing.

Just then the nurse erupt, throwing me a stern look, checked Aaliya's body temperature, gave her some medicine. She then put her hands on Aaliya's bald head and smiled to her.

"You're doing better lady. But you have to tell this young man that he can't come running here at three in the morning just to see you. This is way past visiting hours and way much frequently", she said giving me a curious look this time.

"Exceptions are always there. Can you please make an exception, just this time", I said, tried to look for the excuses I haven't made before.
"How many of those I've to make. I'm not paid enough for these social causes", she added.
"Just this time", I lied, adding a quick smile.
"This is the last I tell you", she said in a motherly tone, closed the door gently and left.

Aaliya giggled as she coughed again into her hands. I came close to her, laid down across the side of her bed as she find the place to put her side-face over my chest. Sometimes she help me with the excuses I've to give to that motherly-natured nurse. It was fun.

One year ago she had been diagnosed with leukemia. May 22, 2010. A day before her 23rd birthday. I still remember that day when I told her numerous time that everything will be okay just to realize now that everything will get worse as the cancer spread. I considered that day the worst of my life.

Those sharp, beautiful eyes looked as they were never got developed. They looked tired. The body became ice cold. Cheeks showing the bone more than the skin on it. The thin lips got thinner. Wrinkles all over the face of a 23 years old.

But she was still Aaliya. My Aaliya.

"You know what Aaliya, you look like a rockstar with that bald looks for yours. So Hawt! These days they all are going bald", I said smilingly and rubbing her cheek gently. She laughed again, choking and telling me to shut up. I pulled her as close as I could without damaging any equipment and kissed her forehead once more, she calmed down, her breathing and heart rate slowed. As she was asleep, clutching my t-shirt as she always does.

Young man? Wake up.

I opened my eyes, rubbed it and stood up quickly. I checked the clock and then, Aaliya to make sure she was breathing, which she was. It was quite strange that we slept for more than five hours. It never happened here before. I was more than happy to realize that she slept peacefully in my arms for five hours. That was a perfect slumber I've ever had and immediately I wished for more like these for me and Aaliya, together. I smiled a sigh of relief & looked at the nurse who woke me up.

"What's the matter?", I asked.
"The doctor is asking for you, he needs to have few words with you regarding Aaliya", she said as her voice was not motherly anymore but sympathetically low..

I quickly went to the room I've been told.

"Yes, doctor, I hope everything is Okay", I said
"I'm going to tell you this but you're not allowed to tell the lady. She might look strong but inside she ain't that strong. She is too weak. What I want you to do is to spend as much time as you can, with her. I'm really sorry, it spread too fast", said the doctor by wishing luck and left.

I see that nurse is looking and listening to this the whole while from the half open door. She was crying.

"No",  I said. "She is going to make it. I know that. She can't go", with that tears started flowing which I've no control upon. It shook my body.

"Stay strong young man, she is waking up, she needs you. You've to save the hope. Save some hope young man", she said as she tried to bring me back to my senses.

I went back to her. She was awoke as I sit near to her. I put my hands inside my pocket and took the small box near her.

"What's this", she asked curiously.

"Aaliya, Will you marry me".

I could see tears starting to show in her eyes as she looked at me.

"No", she said crying. "No, no, no, no, no, no.......crying all the way as she took the ring from my hand and put it at one corner of the table placed nearby.

"No, you deserve a wife that can have kids, who is healthy and strong, and can love you forever. I'm not strong enough. I'll die soon and if i don't, i know i won't last forever and longer".

"There is no one better for me than you", as I cut her words in between. I don't care if you're sick now, if you'll be sick forever, if you'd die now, I want you as my wife, now and forever and for the rest of my whole life. I don't and will not see anyone other than you as my wife. You are my life. you are my sweet Aaliya and you are all i'll ever want. And I want you to be mine forever. No matter if you're here or not. I can't even think of a moment without you", as I said with sobs and tears.

Minutes passed by as I wiped her tears and press down my face into bed sheet and wept. Few minutes later I regain my strength and looked at Aaliya. A smile came to my face when I saw that shinning ring looking beautiful on her ring finger. She wore it. Her hand was placed over her heart, but that heart was no longer beating.