I've changed the television channel innumerable times for the past one hour. The desires were pushing me from inside. The desire to see her. I tried again by switching off the television and closing my eyes but all in vain. It has just been five hours when I last met her. Why would I be disturbing her again, I thought. But the urge of looking at her, seeing her laugh and caressing her killed my thought. I stood up, took the keys, locked my door and left.
The symbols on the wooden door had become familiar to my eyes. It is quite understandable as I was entering this room more than my room for the past one year. As I hold the cold door-knob through my right hand, turned it to the right, smiled as I pulled the door, carrying the dark chocolates in other hand.
The smell hit me as soon as I entered the room. Not a bad smell but the smell of flowers consisted of roses & white drapes which I bought earlier. They were put on a table near the window which was closed. I loved looking out of that window. The large trees right outside would sway like alive and happy.
I looked at the bed. Clean white sheets with red blanket over the top. Her favorite color.
She was asleep. Her frail body was rolled up with red blanket neatly to keep warm. I quickly came at the side of the bed and put the chocolates carefully at a place where it can be seen if she awoke. I smiled as I thought of her looking to those chocolates first when she opens up her eyes. It'll be a surprise which will make her happy. I just knew it.
My girl, Aaliya. How beautiful she is, I thought staring at her thin lips. I then thought of better days. Days before the test. Pressing those lips against mine, cutting off her complaints and arguments. Her eyes were brown, dark brown, shining away from those thick lashes. She was skinny before too. People would say she was too skinny. I say she was perfect. I wrap her around my arms as I gently kiss her, feeling a possibility of breaking her. A smile from her and I could see white pearls flashing from behind those lips.
Her voice broke into my thoughts.
"Oh honey, you bought me my favorites", she said as she looked at those chocolates for a long. I quickly stood up, unwrapped the chocolate & bought couple of pieces in front of her. She ate it, closing her thin eyelids and smiling.
"Thank you so much", she said as I smiled and leaned over, kissed her forehead and inhaled that specific smell of her which I loved the most. She smiled again and put both her hands on my cheeks.
"when was the last time you- she paused for a moment to cough- shaved?" Now smiling but waiting for my reply as I mostly ignore this question for hers.
"I'm not sure", leaning down to rub my cheeks against her. She laughed once again as I told her that this laugh is one of the many reasons I'm here. Never ever stop laughing.
Just then the nurse erupt, throwing me a stern look, checked Aaliya's body temperature, gave her some medicine. She then put her hands on Aaliya's bald head and smiled to her.
"You're doing better lady. But you have to tell this young man that he can't come running here at three in the morning just to see you. This is way past visiting hours and way much frequently", she said giving me a curious look this time.
"Exceptions are always there. Can you please make an exception, just this time", I said, tried to look for the excuses I haven't made before.
"How many of those I've to make. I'm not paid enough for these social causes", she added.
"Just this time", I lied, adding a quick smile.
"This is the last I tell you", she said in a motherly tone, closed the door gently and left.
Aaliya giggled as she coughed again into her hands. I came close to her, laid down across the side of her bed as she find the place to put her side-face over my chest. Sometimes she help me with the excuses I've to give to that motherly-natured nurse. It was fun.
One year ago she had been diagnosed with leukemia. May 22, 2010. A day before her 23rd birthday. I still remember that day when I told her numerous time that everything will be okay just to realize now that everything will get worse as the cancer spread. I considered that day the worst of my life.
Those sharp, beautiful eyes looked as they were never got developed. They looked tired. The body became ice cold. Cheeks showing the bone more than the skin on it. The thin lips got thinner. Wrinkles all over the face of a 23 years old.
But she was still Aaliya. My Aaliya.
"You know what Aaliya, you look like a rockstar with that bald looks for yours. So Hawt! These days they all are going bald", I said smilingly and rubbing her cheek gently. She laughed again, choking and telling me to shut up. I pulled her as close as I could without damaging any equipment and kissed her forehead once more, she calmed down, her breathing and heart rate slowed. As she was asleep, clutching my t-shirt as she always does.
Young man? Wake up.
I opened my eyes, rubbed it and stood up quickly. I checked the clock and then, Aaliya to make sure she was breathing, which she was. It was quite strange that we slept for more than five hours. It never happened here before. I was more than happy to realize that she slept peacefully in my arms for five hours. That was a perfect slumber I've ever had and immediately I wished for more like these for me and Aaliya, together. I smiled a sigh of relief & looked at the nurse who woke me up.
"What's the matter?", I asked.
"The doctor is asking for you, he needs to have few words with you regarding Aaliya", she said as her voice was not motherly anymore but sympathetically low..
I quickly went to the room I've been told.
"Yes, doctor, I hope everything is Okay", I said
"I'm going to tell you this but you're not allowed to tell the lady. She might look strong but inside she ain't that strong. She is too weak. What I want you to do is to spend as much time as you can, with her. I'm really sorry, it spread too fast", said the doctor by wishing luck and left.
I see that nurse is looking and listening to this the whole while from the half open door. She was crying.
"No", I said. "She is going to make it. I know that. She can't go", with that tears started flowing which I've no control upon. It shook my body.
"Stay strong young man, she is waking up, she needs you. You've to save the hope. Save some hope young man", she said as she tried to bring me back to my senses.
I went back to her. She was awoke as I sit near to her. I put my hands inside my pocket and took the small box near her.
"What's this", she asked curiously.
"Aaliya, Will you marry me".
I could see tears starting to show in her eyes as she looked at me.
"No", she said crying. "No, no, no, no, no, no.......crying all the way as she took the ring from my hand and put it at one corner of the table placed nearby.
"No, you deserve a wife that can have kids, who is healthy and strong, and can love you forever. I'm not strong enough. I'll die soon and if i don't, i know i won't last forever and longer".
"There is no one better for me than you", as I cut her words in between. I don't care if you're sick now, if you'll be sick forever, if you'd die now, I want you as my wife, now and forever and for the rest of my whole life. I don't and will not see anyone other than you as my wife. You are my life. you are my sweet Aaliya and you are all i'll ever want. And I want you to be mine forever. No matter if you're here or not. I can't even think of a moment without you", as I said with sobs and tears.
Minutes passed by as I wiped her tears and press down my face into bed sheet and wept. Few minutes later I regain my strength and looked at Aaliya. A smile came to my face when I saw that shinning ring looking beautiful on her ring finger. She wore it. Her hand was placed over her heart, but that heart was no longer beating.
The symbols on the wooden door had become familiar to my eyes. It is quite understandable as I was entering this room more than my room for the past one year. As I hold the cold door-knob through my right hand, turned it to the right, smiled as I pulled the door, carrying the dark chocolates in other hand.
The smell hit me as soon as I entered the room. Not a bad smell but the smell of flowers consisted of roses & white drapes which I bought earlier. They were put on a table near the window which was closed. I loved looking out of that window. The large trees right outside would sway like alive and happy.
I looked at the bed. Clean white sheets with red blanket over the top. Her favorite color.
She was asleep. Her frail body was rolled up with red blanket neatly to keep warm. I quickly came at the side of the bed and put the chocolates carefully at a place where it can be seen if she awoke. I smiled as I thought of her looking to those chocolates first when she opens up her eyes. It'll be a surprise which will make her happy. I just knew it.
My girl, Aaliya. How beautiful she is, I thought staring at her thin lips. I then thought of better days. Days before the test. Pressing those lips against mine, cutting off her complaints and arguments. Her eyes were brown, dark brown, shining away from those thick lashes. She was skinny before too. People would say she was too skinny. I say she was perfect. I wrap her around my arms as I gently kiss her, feeling a possibility of breaking her. A smile from her and I could see white pearls flashing from behind those lips.
Her voice broke into my thoughts.
"Oh honey, you bought me my favorites", she said as she looked at those chocolates for a long. I quickly stood up, unwrapped the chocolate & bought couple of pieces in front of her. She ate it, closing her thin eyelids and smiling.
"Thank you so much", she said as I smiled and leaned over, kissed her forehead and inhaled that specific smell of her which I loved the most. She smiled again and put both her hands on my cheeks.
"when was the last time you- she paused for a moment to cough- shaved?" Now smiling but waiting for my reply as I mostly ignore this question for hers.
"I'm not sure", leaning down to rub my cheeks against her. She laughed once again as I told her that this laugh is one of the many reasons I'm here. Never ever stop laughing.
Just then the nurse erupt, throwing me a stern look, checked Aaliya's body temperature, gave her some medicine. She then put her hands on Aaliya's bald head and smiled to her.
"You're doing better lady. But you have to tell this young man that he can't come running here at three in the morning just to see you. This is way past visiting hours and way much frequently", she said giving me a curious look this time.
"Exceptions are always there. Can you please make an exception, just this time", I said, tried to look for the excuses I haven't made before.
"How many of those I've to make. I'm not paid enough for these social causes", she added.
"Just this time", I lied, adding a quick smile.
"This is the last I tell you", she said in a motherly tone, closed the door gently and left.
Aaliya giggled as she coughed again into her hands. I came close to her, laid down across the side of her bed as she find the place to put her side-face over my chest. Sometimes she help me with the excuses I've to give to that motherly-natured nurse. It was fun.
One year ago she had been diagnosed with leukemia. May 22, 2010. A day before her 23rd birthday. I still remember that day when I told her numerous time that everything will be okay just to realize now that everything will get worse as the cancer spread. I considered that day the worst of my life.
Those sharp, beautiful eyes looked as they were never got developed. They looked tired. The body became ice cold. Cheeks showing the bone more than the skin on it. The thin lips got thinner. Wrinkles all over the face of a 23 years old.
But she was still Aaliya. My Aaliya.
"You know what Aaliya, you look like a rockstar with that bald looks for yours. So Hawt! These days they all are going bald", I said smilingly and rubbing her cheek gently. She laughed again, choking and telling me to shut up. I pulled her as close as I could without damaging any equipment and kissed her forehead once more, she calmed down, her breathing and heart rate slowed. As she was asleep, clutching my t-shirt as she always does.
Young man? Wake up.
I opened my eyes, rubbed it and stood up quickly. I checked the clock and then, Aaliya to make sure she was breathing, which she was. It was quite strange that we slept for more than five hours. It never happened here before. I was more than happy to realize that she slept peacefully in my arms for five hours. That was a perfect slumber I've ever had and immediately I wished for more like these for me and Aaliya, together. I smiled a sigh of relief & looked at the nurse who woke me up.
"What's the matter?", I asked.
"The doctor is asking for you, he needs to have few words with you regarding Aaliya", she said as her voice was not motherly anymore but sympathetically low..
I quickly went to the room I've been told.
"Yes, doctor, I hope everything is Okay", I said
"I'm going to tell you this but you're not allowed to tell the lady. She might look strong but inside she ain't that strong. She is too weak. What I want you to do is to spend as much time as you can, with her. I'm really sorry, it spread too fast", said the doctor by wishing luck and left.
I see that nurse is looking and listening to this the whole while from the half open door. She was crying.
"No", I said. "She is going to make it. I know that. She can't go", with that tears started flowing which I've no control upon. It shook my body.
"Stay strong young man, she is waking up, she needs you. You've to save the hope. Save some hope young man", she said as she tried to bring me back to my senses.
I went back to her. She was awoke as I sit near to her. I put my hands inside my pocket and took the small box near her.
"What's this", she asked curiously.
"Aaliya, Will you marry me".
I could see tears starting to show in her eyes as she looked at me.
"No", she said crying. "No, no, no, no, no, no.......crying all the way as she took the ring from my hand and put it at one corner of the table placed nearby.
"No, you deserve a wife that can have kids, who is healthy and strong, and can love you forever. I'm not strong enough. I'll die soon and if i don't, i know i won't last forever and longer".
"There is no one better for me than you", as I cut her words in between. I don't care if you're sick now, if you'll be sick forever, if you'd die now, I want you as my wife, now and forever and for the rest of my whole life. I don't and will not see anyone other than you as my wife. You are my life. you are my sweet Aaliya and you are all i'll ever want. And I want you to be mine forever. No matter if you're here or not. I can't even think of a moment without you", as I said with sobs and tears.
Minutes passed by as I wiped her tears and press down my face into bed sheet and wept. Few minutes later I regain my strength and looked at Aaliya. A smile came to my face when I saw that shinning ring looking beautiful on her ring finger. She wore it. Her hand was placed over her heart, but that heart was no longer beating.
