In a Better World....

I’m a crybaby. I cry over everything & anything. My classmates tease me, slap me with no reasons. I couldn’t fight back. All I do is cry. I’m a little kid with big heart & sad eyes. I bite myself sometimes. I give myself pain to lessen the pain. Oh ! I’m a crybaby.

My family consisted of  Sana, my sister, little angel she is. I love her. My mother, who says we are her bastard Childs. We are useless & she doesn’t care. Most of the times I came home from school, coated in bruises. She doesn’t see me. She is busy in her prescription medication which loosely translates to as Drugs. A Father who long ago left us & preferred a life of Sex & drugs, to us. He left us for some chick named Lily. I hate the name Lily. He couldn’t even leave us for someone with a half decent name. I simply sat by & let him leave.

I screamed silently for the first time!

I could hear Sana most of the times, calling out my name loudly, when I get home. She’s a little angel. She’s not a cry kid. She didn’t care that her mother thought of her as bastard child. Our mother didn’t seem to accept the fact that we were her bastard child. She just looked upon us like we were some orphans, wanderers off the street. It didn’t matter to her that we had her blue eyes & brown hairs. We were nothing but ghosts.

I was lying on the bed at my home. It was a motel room which we called our home. A single bed where we three sleep, just once I guess, when my mother was unconscious, else Sana & I lay on the floor itself. Stained floor, dust lingered at every corner of the house. Insects, flies scuttled over half eaten food.

“Hey, little sissy! How was the day at school”? I asked.

“What is this”, touching a bluish flesh on my face, which was a bruise I got recently. Thanks to my classmates who continued hitting me at one place.

“Ahh..nothing. I fell at school. I’m fine”

The same old lies. I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell her that her brother has been kicked, slapped & punched various times. I couldn’t tell that his head had been hit many times, face smashed at lockers. Had his nails set on fire & books been flushed away. I couldn’t tell her. And worst of all, I couldn’t tell her that I hadn’t fought back. I hadn’t said a single fucking thing.

I screamed silently!

“Be careful sweetheart. I don’t want you to get hurt”, said Sana. I smiled & wrapped my arms around her as she showed me the paintings she made at school. She loved painting. I cheered, applauded & praised her. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to be smiling always. I had nothing to live for if she wasn’t happy.

But she was taken away from me so soon by some psycho, sick pervert. That fucking guy greeded her with dark chocolate. She loved dark chocolates. My mother left her alone in the park & went to fill her ‘prescription’. Hell she didn’t care.

Her body found lying behind trees.

Rope around her neck.

A moment of silence in my already quiet life. A bright light in my dark life had been taken away. Where was I? Probably sitting somewhere & grieving, for some time, than back to normal. Because I’m too weak to do anything.

Mother didn’t even cry. I’m sure she didn’t even know. For her, its one less ghost, a less stranger, a less bastard child.

First they thought they’d blame me for everything. He raped & killed his sister. He loved her. Show him the pictures. Show him the blood in her hairs, tightly closed fist & show him those helpless eyes. Bloody killer. Screw up the kid. Nothing he’s going to do about it. There is nothing a little cry kid could do but just sit & grieve.

I screamed silently.

I was broken. Thou the beatings stopped for a while but now it doesn’t matter. I was all alone, in my own world, where Sana still existed. But they came again, harder than ever. They saw pills in my hand, red lines around my wrists. They know I’m broken now they want me to be shattered. ‘Killer’, they shouted. “Faggot, imbecile bloody rapist, Die! You should Die!. I wanted to. I really wanted to. But I didn’t want to go alone. I’ve already spent most of my life alone. By then I made a decision. A Final decision.

School gates opened like gate to hell. I didn’t bother. No more weakness. Weakness it is which led my father left us. Weakness led my mother fell prey to pills. Weakness took Sana away. But no weakness anymore.

BANG goes the first one to hell. I didn’t know who it is.

BANG goes the second one. Screaming started all over.

BANG the third one. Red water dripping from the cold iron I held.

One more left. I screamed the loudest in my life.

BANG the fourth. One for every year Sana lived.

For every month I suffered without her. I've shown weakness that i'm not weak anymore. I would find her somewhere & would tell her that finally I've found myself....in a better world!